Who you gonna please?

I was watching a movie with my children called “Elmo’s best moments”. Elmo has a bunch of pictures he drew each based on a good moment he can remember.  Hes going through all his pictures picking the ones he love most because hes going to have an art show and hang the pictures up. Well as hes going through his pictures different people stop by to look.  Elmo will then explain the moment in the picture. Each time people stopped and admired his picture he’d give it to them to make them happy. As sweet as that is the problem is of course… Each time he gives someone a picture hes losing a picture that could have been used in his art show. Eventually Elmo is down to only one last picture. Another character comes up to him called a “honker”.  This Muppet doesnt talk but rather “honks” his nose.  The “honker” sees Elmo picture and wants it.  Its Elmo’s last picture tho. Elmo is conflicted because like he says “its my last picture. If I give it to Mr. Honker he’ll be happy but Elmo wont be”. While Elmo is thinking out loud to himself the “honker” is consistently honking his nose (basically throwing a tantrum) because he wants Elmo picture.  What does Elmo do? He looks down and sadly hands over his last picture to Mr. Honker. Immediately Mr. Honker is happy and walks away and Elmo sits there sad because he gave away his last picture.

Tho Sesame Street had a good intent behind this story it also subliminally has a negative message behind it.  Its teaching children to give and make others happy at the expense of their own feelings.  Even reaching into adulthood I know for myself I had a bad habit of giving to others and putting up with others bad traits even if its hurting or draining myself.

Yes,  I know its a kid show and “harmless” to a certain extent.  At some point tho children need to also be taught to value themselves as well. Its all about balance.  Theres nothing wrong with giving. There will be times we do things we dont want to do and dont feel like doing.  Thats life! However, theres nothing wrong with creating boundaries as to what your willing to give or put up with as well. Knowing when and how to say “No” gives you strength and dignity.  It tells yourself that you value yourself as well as others. Your feelings,  opinions & thoughts hold just as much weight as the next person. So say “YES” to yourself by learning the power of “NO” 💪👊

 

Saying Goodbye to 2015

As I look back over this past year I reflect on all that has happened in my life. From having the courage to cut all my hair off to having my 2nd child (a boy). Enjoying a family trip to Disney and getting on the fitness track. Learning lessons like its ok to say “No”. Its ok to have MY own opinion. Dont talk negatively about myself. Learning to live in the moment and not taking myself so seriously. There will ALWAYS be setbacks but you pick yourself up and keep moving forward. Life is about trial and error and as long as you live you will continue to make mistakes. The key is trying not to repeat them. Its all a growth process. I hope you too can look back and smile and/or focus on some of the “good times”.

I know “for me” sometimes I focus alot on regrets and what hasn’t happened and not see the positive things that have happened. So I’ve actually started writing in a journal that I made specifically for ONLY writing down the funny/positive things that have happened to me. Something for me to read back on for moments Im having a hard time remembering that “Terina… you have had some great moments as well”.   Im excited to see what 2016 will bring to the table and thank you for following my journey as I continue Becoming Rina… Cheers 🎉

Breath Again

My husband, kids & I took family pictures the other day.  For about 2 weeks I had been wondering that almighty question…  “What am I going to wear?” More importantly…  “How am I going to do my hair?” I wanted to make sure we were all color coordinated. I had been obsessing and trying on clothes and trying to match stuff to no avail because of course I got a closet full of clothes and not one thing to wear 😕 I finally managed to put together a decent outfit the night before pictures.

The day arrives. I throw on some jeans,  a top,  a jacket & a headscarf because Im going to run to the salon and get a manicure. Ive got PLENTY of time. WRONG!! The manicure takes longer than expected.  Afterward I need to run to the bank to take care of something.  Well I get there just to find out they no longer take people from a “shared”  branch (my bank is located  back in Missouri) … so now Ive gotta run to another bank to take care of the issue.  I run to the 2nd bank with only 40 minutes left for me to try and get home, change clothes and get both kids dressed and back out the door to the picture location. By the time I finally get home I have 20 minutes left. Well fortunately my husband had the kids bathed and partially dressed. I went to put my daughters dress on and every button has been ripped off so now I gotta hurry and find her something else to put on. I finally find something and do her hair.  Our appointment is in 10 minutes.  I DO NOT have time to change my clothes or do my hair😨 Its going to take 10 minutes just to get out the house and to the park.  Now a year ago I woulda been dissappointed  but im proud of myself. I stayed cool and  simply put on my lipstick and walked on out the door. All that obsessing about my clothes and hair and didnt get to do none of it😕  All I could do is hope and pray the pictures turned out ok.

In life theres ALWAYS going to be something that comes up that can easily knock you off your A-game. Sometimes just to keep from going crazy youve just gotta relax,  breath and go with the flow. I enjoyed taking the pictures with my family and in the end everything worked out.  It wasnt about the color coordination & the creative hairstyle.  It was about enjoying a “moment”… a  moment I could have easily missed out on had I allowed my messed up plan to ruin my day. Dont go so fast throughout life trying to plan every single little thing that you miss out on”living” your life.

Unanswered Prayers

“Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs…. That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care. Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”– Garth Brooks

For the longest time… I wanted to relocate to Arizona. I was in LOVE with that state.  When I say in “LOVE” I mean it!  😍 I was even originally naming my daughter “Arizona”… “Ari” for short. Relocating there was one of the only consistent topics I talked about daily. I had dreams about living there frequently. I LOVE that its HOT there.  I HATE the cold… absolutely despise it!  I LOVE the desert and I LOVE the mountains.  If a person wanted to make me smile… all they had to do was mention Arizona.  Unfortunately though im a planner.  I just couldn’t make the move until everything was in perfect order. I learned to late that for somethings in life there will NEVER be the “perfect” moment. Relocation is one of those. You will always need more money saved or a better job or more this and more that.  Sometimes you need to just leap and figure things out as you go. Because my dream was taking so long to accomplish I eventually became bitter and depressed.  Everyone around me was getting jobs and relocating left and right but me who desperately wanted it was getting no where.

One thing that helped me to keep my emotions from totally getting the best of me was this quote:The way I figured it…. maybe things keep going wrong because it wasnt “my time”  to be living in Arizona.  Who knows… maybe me not being there at that moment was protecting me from something that “may” had happened had I been there at that moment.  There coulda been a situation that happened that woulda been to my detriment.  Or on the flipside maybe im suppose to be there at a certain moment that would change my life for the better but it means I gotta wait a little longer to get to Arizona. I dont know… my mind was going in all kinds of ways. I actually dont believe in fate but I do like that quote 😊

Anyways,  because getting to Arizona seemed like a dream that wasnt gonna happen, my husband started looking into other places to live. I begrudgingly went alone with that option. My husband wanted to live in Houston,  TX.  I had never been to Texas nor was the idea of living there appealing to me because im not a city girl and I love scenery (mountains to be exact).  Either way we went on vacation to Houston,  TX to check it out. My husband remembered a part of Houston that he loved. It was an area in the Southeast corner of Houston located by the water. I was pretty shocked when we made it there. The weather was nice and warm.  The people were friendly.  Their were streets were lined with palm trees and the ocean was on my right. Needless to say for the first time in my life I became “open” to possibly living somewhere other than my beloved Arizona. When me and the husband got back home we both started applying for jobs in both Phoenix,  Az and Houston, TX. Whichever place hired one of us was where we were going. Well,  wouldn’t you know it… Houston won 😨!  I finally made the move out of Missouri that id been wanting for years.

Phoenix,  Arizona will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS  have my heart but I like where I now live.  I NEVER would have saw myself living somewhere else but in order for my life to move forward I had to let go of something that meant the world to me.  Is there some dream or goal your longing for? If so…  dont be like me,  wasting time planning,  wishing,  waiting and hoping for the “perfect” moment. There are no perfect moments in life… you either do it or you dont! Maybe youre someone who can find the courage to take that leap of faith and go for it? Or maybe your dream can be “tweaked”  a little bit to make it more attainable? Or maybe its time for you to “let go” of what your so desperately trying to hold on to and allow room for the unimaginable to happen 🎆. Either way, whatever you choose… have faith that even though you may not end up where you want …  you’ll still end up right where you belong 😙

“Just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he dont care; some of God’s greatest gifts are “unanswered prayers”.

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For the good times…

I just got back from vacation with my family. The trip did not turn out the way I had hoped and imagined it would. You plan and wait a whole year for a vacation and when its finally here and you get to your location… your children are whiney & wont sleep at night. Your super tired and lacking in energy. Everything is rushed because your trying to get too many things packed into a short amount of days. Its not just you on the vacation so your trying to accommodate everyone so that everyone can feel to a certain extent that this vacation you planned was all worth it and that they didnt waste their money. Not to mention before you left for vacation… bills that didn’t exist prior to vacation suddenly transpire outta thin air & are due immediately.  So now you dont have the money you thought you’d have for vacation.

Its soooooo easy to dwell on everything that went wrong. Then you step back, breath  and start smiling as you think about the hidden positives you had. The simple moments when everyone is sitting around laughing, talking and shooting pool. The moments where everyone is sharing whatever food, drinks & /or items they bought from Walmart . Everyone standing in line together to get on amusement park rides. Watching the fireworks display at night. Ducking and dodging the police because youve packd too many ppl in one small SUV. (You weren’t expecting that last comment were you?)  lol Let me tell you I learned two things that afternoon … #1- a life of crime is NOT for me! Dont try to cram more than the alotted specified amount of people to a vehicle.   Between avoiding eye contact with other motorist outta fear of being “turned in” and hiding from every sheriff car I saw… I had to have had at least 40 mini heart attacks in a 20 minute car ride. Its just not worth it!!  Heart attacks and fines all because some people dont want to make two trips getting and taking people to the store. #2- in the unfortunate chance a cop stops behind you at a red light, your more flexible than you think. Adults get into a cramped car sore, stiff and immobile but let a cop car get behind you… Its amazing how the stiffest people can simultaneously loosen and breakdown every bone in their body so that they can duck down into the smallest of crevasses. We probably looked like a bunch of transformers shape shifting around in that car. Funniest thing ive ever seen and been a part of but not my proudest moment.

Thats the great thing about the mind. You can choose to either dwell on all the wrongs that happened or you can instead choose to focus on all the memories that made you smile. EDIT EDIT EDIT what you choose to dwell on and make your memories beautiful 🌹

Me, myself and I…

It is the most incredible, exhilarating thing to actually be able to see how youve changed from the person you were before (even in as little as a year) to the person you are this moment. Some people are a natural when it comes to being go-getters; being confident; optimistic; bold…  but alot of others like me are shy,  indecisive,  people pleasers,  passive-aggressive and etc.  So for the sake of self-respect there comes a point when you start tweeking yourselves to become bolder because the alternative is to stay a doormat or unfulfilled and those are heartbreaking words for a person to live their life being .

When you start on that journey of self-love its imperative to celebrate the small accomplishments you make when you start listening to your own inner voice vs listening to “the fear in you”.  The side of you that talks you out of doing something you truly want to do. Like speaking up for yourself when someone is dictating what you need or better do. Or being to scared to wear that bold red lipstick or new outfit because “what will people think?”  Or picking up and relocating without a plan because “who does that?” Or leaving a job you hate and starting a new entrepreneurial venture.

Theres no time like the present and you owe it to yourself to make yourself happy.  Who told you not to do “this” or that you cant be “that”? I have found that my BIGGEST regrets so far in life arent regrets for things I chose to do but rather all the things I was to self conscious to do.  My list is long of things I did or didnt do based off other people opinions. Im breaking thru that fear though and listning to MYself. “Feel the fear and do it anyway“.  Regardless what “noise” is all around you… Believe in yourself and value your opinion.  Do what YOU want.  Now of course theres some situations where you need to heed the advise of a wise person but for the normal average person most things boil down to common sense and “personal opinion”. Dont be fooled by the people who try to bully and intimidate you into believing what they believe. What they believe is STILL an opinion no matter how loud they talk. Remember you are worthy to have YOUR own opinion too especially when it involves YOUR life. So what is it youve been to afraid to do? What is it your inner soul is crying out for you to try? What is it that makes you smile and tugs at your heart strings?  “Feel the fear and do it anyway!”

Ive gotta tell you,  I built up the courage to buy that bright red lipstick.. and im not gonna lie… I look good in RED 😗

An idol mind….

Here it is 2am in the morning.  Im woke,  mind going a mile a minute. Mind replaying the events of today. Replaying what all I should do.  What all I did do.  What all I still gotta do.  Both my children are still woke so even if I did have a peaceful mind I still wouldn’t be sleep. Amazing how the mind can control so much of you.  How it can cause you to over think on the most minuet situations.  It can allow you to replay a single incident over and over again with a different ending each time.  Out of all the things my mind will ponder on… nothing gives me the most sleepless nights than the replaying of a situation where I should have spoken up. A situation where I allowed someone to get away doing or saying something totally unacceptable to me.  Through those many sleepless nights tho of wondering; asking “why” and “what if”; thinking about the “I shoulda” and “I coulda”; feeling seething anger overpowering me…. it hit me oneday.  The reason I can’t let go of my anger is because Im directing my anger at the wrong person(s). The person Im actually angry with is myself!

Its one thing to be in a situation where you did speak up and voice your feelings but its a whole different situation to have stayed quiet and put up with nonsense. I was raised to believe in “treat others the way you want to be treated”.  Turn the other cheek. Be the bigger person.  Dont fight,  walk away.  Through all of those good teachings tho the one thing I was failed to be taught is to value myself and my opinions. To be self-confidant. To believe in myself.

Speaking up does something for YOU. Regardless the outcome of a situation you  can still hold your head erect and be proud. But when you choose to let a person continuously walk all over you or you let someone or something get away doing something you don’t like… it chips a little part of you away… A little of your self-respect and dignity. I learned at great cost and much later in life that my opinions are just as relevant as everyone else and that just because my opinion differs from someone else doesn’t mean that im wrong. Once I finally learned the culprit of my sleepless nights I knew what to do to correct it.

Whatever it is for you causing your sleepless nights; If you want to get some rest u MUST get to the “root” of the problem or your mind will continue to be on instant replay. An idol mind most definitely is the devil’s playground but simply “speaking up” and “asking questions” can take away some of the devil’s toys.

What are your thoughts?

The joys of motherhood

Growing up I always knew I wanted to be an at-home-mom. Throughout my  childhood I always heard my mom say how guilty she felt for never being able to go on field trips with us.  Never being able to come up to our school for lunches or activities with us due to her job.  So I KNEW i didn’t want to have her same regrets.  I’d be home with my babies and be able to see and  be a part of every step they make. Well,  now I’m an adult and I have my two lil ones and all I can think is “GET ME OUTTA HERE”!! I have to battle feelings of guilt sometimes  because I dont feel the way i “think”  i should feel about being a mother.  Yes I love my children & yes im a good mother to my children; but when people ask” dont you just LOVE being a mom”? My answer is and will always be…. Heck naw!

I feel guilty about that because you see and watch other moms who seem to relish the title of  being a mom.  They can tell you an abundance of their favorite moments.  They can list all their kids best quirks and qualities.  All i can tell you is my baby once again woke up 12 times last  night and my toddler once again through all her lego’s in the toilet. Being a parent theres a never ending struggle trying to survive. Not to mention the unnecessary stress of people giving you unsolicited advice and/or taking liberties with your children that you dont agree with… like kissing your child on the lips 😠

Tho I dont have an overjoyed attitude at the title of being a mom I do recognize how Ive changed after becoming a mom. Being a mom has helped me to step up “my game” with myself. Im naturally shy and usually take every opportunity to avoid crowds and anything that makes me standout.  But being a mom forces me to take the lead and have the courage to walk into uncomfortable situations especially when I have my little girl right beside me watching me.  It forces me to get up in a crowd when I have to rush her to the rest room.  It makes me strive to stand taller and have more confidence in myself because I want my daughter to exhibit those qualities. I want her to be everything that I wasnt & all the things I may had been had I believed in myself. Being a mom also forced me to step out of my comfort zone and join mommy groups because I want my children to get to know and play with other little ones. It teaches you to speak up to others if you or your childs boundaries are being infringed on.

We are ALL different and each one of us have totally different personalities. Thats what I have to remember when I start comparing myself to other mommies.  Were ALL dealing with self doubts,  questions,  guilt & frustrations. So for all the mommies fathers parents…  know your not alone, do  your best & dont compare your journey to others. Your not going to be happy every moment as a parent and that’s ok. With that being said… mommihood isnt so bad and after taking a moment to reflect I do see I have joys of motherhood too 😊

Feel free to post your thoughts below.

“To thine own self be true”

The newest thing ive started doing is exercising.  Ive been doing it for 2 weeks now.  I have never been someone interested in exercising.  Growing up I was always extremely thin.  I HATED it!! I was picked on my ENTIRE childhood for being thin.  Being skinny just wasnt sexy. So as the years passed i didnt care if i put on weight… even if it was bad weight.  All i wanted was to be “thick”.  Well now im 35 years old and tho to alot of people Im still not big im still way to big for my body type. So im trying to start eating healthier and excercise. Im hoping to be quicker and feel better mentally and physically.  Now,  its been 2 weeks and as im on the treadmill im thinking “when in the crap will these 45 minutes be over!  Time is moving sooooo slow”.  I Literally count down each second till im out the gym.  I love the idea of being at the gym but when there all I want is to go home. Hopefully the more I go and the more I see results Ill start to enjoy being at the gym.

I asked my husband a few days ago after watching a new show about plastic surgery “if you could change one thing about your body… what would it be”? He told me his response then he asked me.  My response? ” The only thing id want to do is go back in time and appreciate and love myself and my body for how it was at that time”.  Its kinda sad to hate yourself and have all these hang-ups about yourself but then you see a picture of yourself back then and you realize…. there was absolutely nothing wrong with you at that time. You let stupid negative comments people said to you make you hate yourself. That cycle MUST stop! Regardless what people say about you its imperative to value yourself and what you believe… because you never know what lies beneath peoples comments.

So as I try to exercise and get healthy im doing this for ME.  The key is loving yourself while you continue growing and progressing into what you want to be… not hating yourself till your where you want to be.  I dont want another 10 years to go by and I see a picture of myself now and think “wow,  there was nothing wrong with me”. Its time for me to become my biggest fan 😆

“This above all else… To thine own self be true”