Who you gonna please?

I was watching a movie with my children called “Elmo’s best moments”. Elmo has a bunch of pictures he drew each based on a good moment he can remember.  Hes going through all his pictures picking the ones he love most because hes going to have an art show and hang the pictures up. Well as hes going through his pictures different people stop by to look.  Elmo will then explain the moment in the picture. Each time people stopped and admired his picture he’d give it to them to make them happy. As sweet as that is the problem is of course… Each time he gives someone a picture hes losing a picture that could have been used in his art show. Eventually Elmo is down to only one last picture. Another character comes up to him called a “honker”.  This Muppet doesnt talk but rather “honks” his nose.  The “honker” sees Elmo picture and wants it.  Its Elmo’s last picture tho. Elmo is conflicted because like he says “its my last picture. If I give it to Mr. Honker he’ll be happy but Elmo wont be”. While Elmo is thinking out loud to himself the “honker” is consistently honking his nose (basically throwing a tantrum) because he wants Elmo picture.  What does Elmo do? He looks down and sadly hands over his last picture to Mr. Honker. Immediately Mr. Honker is happy and walks away and Elmo sits there sad because he gave away his last picture.

Tho Sesame Street had a good intent behind this story it also subliminally has a negative message behind it.  Its teaching children to give and make others happy at the expense of their own feelings.  Even reaching into adulthood I know for myself I had a bad habit of giving to others and putting up with others bad traits even if its hurting or draining myself.

Yes,  I know its a kid show and “harmless” to a certain extent.  At some point tho children need to also be taught to value themselves as well. Its all about balance.  Theres nothing wrong with giving. There will be times we do things we dont want to do and dont feel like doing.  Thats life! However, theres nothing wrong with creating boundaries as to what your willing to give or put up with as well. Knowing when and how to say “No” gives you strength and dignity.  It tells yourself that you value yourself as well as others. Your feelings,  opinions & thoughts hold just as much weight as the next person. So say “YES” to yourself by learning the power of “NO” 💪👊

 

This too shall pass…

I was sitting here overwhelmed as I wrote up a budget for me and my husband.  I LOVE budgeting my money.  I like being able to physically see where my money is going and will be going with each check.  Like alot of people though sometimes you have alot more things to do and pay on than you do actual money.  So I was getting alittle overwhelmed constantly plotting how to stretch the almighty dollar. As Im sitting here writing up a budget… my daughter is watching the cutest little show called “Doc McStuffins”.

Its a cartoon about alittle girl whose a toy doctor. Toys come alive when she pushes her stethoscope and they come to her to be fixed. On this episode her waiting room was full of broken toys waiting to be fixed.  When she saw how many broken toys there were she got overwhelmed and started stressing about if she’ll be able to take care of all of them.  Her little hippopotamus assistant said something that instantly made me look up from writing my budget.  She said “Stop looking at the BIG picture and take things one at a time“. 😮💡Thats the thing about cartoons…  they may cater to kids but they have some of the best morals to them.

I instantly tried to narrow my scope from worrying about how what I chose to pay or not pay in February was gonna affect March and so on and so on. Im just going to take it a month at a time. Theres a variety of ways to do things and sometimes we get sooooooo focused on “THIS WAY” that we dont realize there’s limitless other routes you can take as well…  and they all lead to success. In life theres no shortage of obstacles and hurdles but If you focus on the hurdle right before you and not on all the hurdles down the road you’ll keep your sanity and realize its not as bad as you think. You can only jump over one hurdle at a time anyways. Deal with one issue at a time and before you know it….  you’re road will be clear and you can smile to yourself knowing “you made it through”.

“Today you are “YOU”, thats truer than true”

I was talking to a dear friend of mine last week and we were discussing things weve learned this year about ourselves. I was telling her how currently im STRIVING to LOVE myself and being watchful to what I say about myself. It all started about a month ago actually… I looked in the mirror and thought I looked sooo ugly. I stared at my body and thought “Wow Terina, you really look nasty!” Then it hit me like a ton of bricks…. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!? I would NEVER tell someone else they were ugly… let alone that they looked nasty! Why in the world would I talk to myself like that?!?!” It literally almost had me in tears as I thought about “myself”  being a person and im talking to “this person” like that…. and to think ive been telling myself that for years! 😢

So for the past month thats what Ive been working on…. being VERY careful to ONLY speak great things about myself. As positive as I am towards others I need to be saying those same things to myself!

One thing I try to be is upbuilding to people.  The biggest reason why is because I personally know what its like to be bullied & ripped apart. I just hadnt stop to think that I too am participating in ripping myself apart.  Telling myself that im ugly, or stupid and body shaming myself and etc. Sometimes loving yourself feels like the hardest thing in the world. You try sooo many different things on yourself in the hopes of “finally” seeing yourself as something beautiful or admirable but in the end you still feel disappointed when you look in the mirror.

I found a quote on Facebook actually that someone shared and I thought it was soooo intresting.

And I quote: “Did you know that the way you feel about yourself mentally has a direct bearing on what you see in the mirror? “We’re eye doctors.”
“What’s something about the eye that most people don’t realize?”“The eye doesn’t see. The brain sees. The eye just transmits. So what we see isn’t only determined by what comes through the eyes. What we see is affected by our memories, our feelings, and by what we’ve seen before.”

If you too have been hard on yourself,  doubting yourself, not loving or accepting yourself…. you may want to take a hard look in the mirror and see if what youre hating about yourself truly exists…. or have you just been brainwashed to believe you look or are a certain way? We ALL have something beautiful about ourselves!   Everyone is hiding something,  covering over something, emphasizing something, changing something all in order to give the elusion they look a certain way. No One is Perfect!! DONT compare yourself to others and put YOUR best forward whatever and however that may be. Not for others but for yourself…. For Whitney Houston said it best “Learning to love yourself,  it is the greatest love of all. ”

“Be careful what you say to yourself because your listening”

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You can’t get outta the game…

“You can’t win, you can’t break even
And you can’t get out of the game”

I just finished watching “The Wiz” again.  Such a great movie/play.  Ive always liked the scene with the scarecrow.  He’s stuck on a pole with a bunch of crows standing around him. They spend their days laughing at him,  taunting him and hurling negative comments his way. They make him sing over and over the lyrics:

You can’t win, you can’t break even
And you can’t get out of the game

Dorothy comes alone and gets the scarecrow down and the scarecrow says “you mean all this time I coulda got down off this pole?” Dorothy replied “They told you…. you couldnt get down and you believed them.”

In real life we ALL have some crow(s) in our lives. Crows are those in your life who talk down to you. Those that hurt you and dont care.  Those who tear you down and break your spirit.  Their the ones who tell you what you can and cant accomplish.  The ones who wont let you grow and flourish.  They want to consistently bring up your past mistakes and ready for you to make more. How many times have you not done something because some crow put it into your head you cant do it?

Just remember that EVERYTHING a person says is an opinion. Half the time people arent even being genuine.  Their just being a bully,  or hateful,  or jealous. I wish I had known that a loooong time ago. I know now though!  Believe in yourself and do “YOU”! All those things youve put on the back-burner for all these years…. time to pull all those wants, ideas and possibilities back out and do them because:

You CAN win, you CAN break even
And you CAN get out of the game

Breath Again

My husband, kids & I took family pictures the other day.  For about 2 weeks I had been wondering that almighty question…  “What am I going to wear?” More importantly…  “How am I going to do my hair?” I wanted to make sure we were all color coordinated. I had been obsessing and trying on clothes and trying to match stuff to no avail because of course I got a closet full of clothes and not one thing to wear 😕 I finally managed to put together a decent outfit the night before pictures.

The day arrives. I throw on some jeans,  a top,  a jacket & a headscarf because Im going to run to the salon and get a manicure. Ive got PLENTY of time. WRONG!! The manicure takes longer than expected.  Afterward I need to run to the bank to take care of something.  Well I get there just to find out they no longer take people from a “shared”  branch (my bank is located  back in Missouri) … so now Ive gotta run to another bank to take care of the issue.  I run to the 2nd bank with only 40 minutes left for me to try and get home, change clothes and get both kids dressed and back out the door to the picture location. By the time I finally get home I have 20 minutes left. Well fortunately my husband had the kids bathed and partially dressed. I went to put my daughters dress on and every button has been ripped off so now I gotta hurry and find her something else to put on. I finally find something and do her hair.  Our appointment is in 10 minutes.  I DO NOT have time to change my clothes or do my hair😨 Its going to take 10 minutes just to get out the house and to the park.  Now a year ago I woulda been dissappointed  but im proud of myself. I stayed cool and  simply put on my lipstick and walked on out the door. All that obsessing about my clothes and hair and didnt get to do none of it😕  All I could do is hope and pray the pictures turned out ok.

In life theres ALWAYS going to be something that comes up that can easily knock you off your A-game. Sometimes just to keep from going crazy youve just gotta relax,  breath and go with the flow. I enjoyed taking the pictures with my family and in the end everything worked out.  It wasnt about the color coordination & the creative hairstyle.  It was about enjoying a “moment”… a  moment I could have easily missed out on had I allowed my messed up plan to ruin my day. Dont go so fast throughout life trying to plan every single little thing that you miss out on”living” your life.

Crabs anyone?…

I remember before I relocated I was talking to a supposed “friend” about what my goal was.  Immediately she started saying a whole bunch of negative stuff like telling me “im not going no where”.  “It’s so selfish on my part to be trying to relocate”. “I’m taking my daughter away from her grandparents”.  “If I can’t be content in one location I wont be content in any location because the problem was me”. I couldn’t get her comments out my head.  Was I being selfish? Did I need to learn to be happy where I’m at? Will I not be content wherever I live? 😳 A while later I talked to a different person about what was bothering me.  She informed me that the person who said that stuff to me been wanting to move for years but her husband doesn’t want to so that’s the only reason she’s still living there.  I was shocked and angry!   Shocked because why would she be so hard on me when she wants to move as well?  Angry because I wasted sleepless nights thinking about all that crap she said to me and questioning my own intentions.

Whenever your trying to change, grow, start on a new journey or start on a new you…. Some of your biggest critics can and will be those closest to you. Friends, associates, family, co-workers, neighbors and etc. Amazing how some of the people closest to you are the very ones who don’t want you to excel or move on. It can be VERY disappointing not receiving the support you’d like but when starting on something new alot of times you have to start alone. Not everyone is going to understand your vision and not everyone wants you to be happy. In the end its only your voice that matters anyway.  Ignore the noise of people opinions on what they feel you should be doing because no one can live your life but YOU!  Push fear aside and see what your made of 😊 Dont be a victim of the “crabs in a bucket” mentality (people trying to hold you back so you can stay in the same “boat” as them. Break free from negative crabs and climb out that bucket!

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Unanswered Prayers

“Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. Remember when you’re talkin’ to the man upstairs…. That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he don’t care. Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers”– Garth Brooks

For the longest time… I wanted to relocate to Arizona. I was in LOVE with that state.  When I say in “LOVE” I mean it!  😍 I was even originally naming my daughter “Arizona”… “Ari” for short. Relocating there was one of the only consistent topics I talked about daily. I had dreams about living there frequently. I LOVE that its HOT there.  I HATE the cold… absolutely despise it!  I LOVE the desert and I LOVE the mountains.  If a person wanted to make me smile… all they had to do was mention Arizona.  Unfortunately though im a planner.  I just couldn’t make the move until everything was in perfect order. I learned to late that for somethings in life there will NEVER be the “perfect” moment. Relocation is one of those. You will always need more money saved or a better job or more this and more that.  Sometimes you need to just leap and figure things out as you go. Because my dream was taking so long to accomplish I eventually became bitter and depressed.  Everyone around me was getting jobs and relocating left and right but me who desperately wanted it was getting no where.

One thing that helped me to keep my emotions from totally getting the best of me was this quote:The way I figured it…. maybe things keep going wrong because it wasnt “my time”  to be living in Arizona.  Who knows… maybe me not being there at that moment was protecting me from something that “may” had happened had I been there at that moment.  There coulda been a situation that happened that woulda been to my detriment.  Or on the flipside maybe im suppose to be there at a certain moment that would change my life for the better but it means I gotta wait a little longer to get to Arizona. I dont know… my mind was going in all kinds of ways. I actually dont believe in fate but I do like that quote 😊

Anyways,  because getting to Arizona seemed like a dream that wasnt gonna happen, my husband started looking into other places to live. I begrudgingly went alone with that option. My husband wanted to live in Houston,  TX.  I had never been to Texas nor was the idea of living there appealing to me because im not a city girl and I love scenery (mountains to be exact).  Either way we went on vacation to Houston,  TX to check it out. My husband remembered a part of Houston that he loved. It was an area in the Southeast corner of Houston located by the water. I was pretty shocked when we made it there. The weather was nice and warm.  The people were friendly.  Their were streets were lined with palm trees and the ocean was on my right. Needless to say for the first time in my life I became “open” to possibly living somewhere other than my beloved Arizona. When me and the husband got back home we both started applying for jobs in both Phoenix,  Az and Houston, TX. Whichever place hired one of us was where we were going. Well,  wouldn’t you know it… Houston won 😨!  I finally made the move out of Missouri that id been wanting for years.

Phoenix,  Arizona will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS  have my heart but I like where I now live.  I NEVER would have saw myself living somewhere else but in order for my life to move forward I had to let go of something that meant the world to me.  Is there some dream or goal your longing for? If so…  dont be like me,  wasting time planning,  wishing,  waiting and hoping for the “perfect” moment. There are no perfect moments in life… you either do it or you dont! Maybe youre someone who can find the courage to take that leap of faith and go for it? Or maybe your dream can be “tweaked”  a little bit to make it more attainable? Or maybe its time for you to “let go” of what your so desperately trying to hold on to and allow room for the unimaginable to happen 🎆. Either way, whatever you choose… have faith that even though you may not end up where you want …  you’ll still end up right where you belong 😙

“Just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he dont care; some of God’s greatest gifts are “unanswered prayers”.

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Don’t waste your time on people who wont listen

I have a girlfriend of mine who was dating a guy.  Now im gonna be honest…the guy was a jerk!  Everyday she called me about some new incident that happened between her and her controlling boyfreind; and every single day I found myself getting mad over and over again as I listened to her stories. Id give her sound advise and she always “seemed” to listen to me.  In the end tho… she never did. Everytime I got off the phone with her I’d feel tired and drained.  Her problems were sucking the life out of me… literally!

Im sure majority of us have someone in our life that drains us of all our energy with their drama (I bet their face just popped up in your mind).  😉 These people LOVE to compain yet they have NO INTENTION of getting out of their situation. Nor are they truly even listening to the advise your giving them. While your at home having asthma attacks and mini-heart attacks thinking about them and their situation; their home relaxing …. CONTENT in their situation.

There’s nothing wrong with being a sounding board for your freind but when your words are falling on deaf ears and its draining you to listen to them… its time to make a change.   Listen to your freinds if you choose but learn to not get overly involved or sucked into their drama. Unfortunately some people love to complain about being dirty as they continue playing in the mud.

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Your grass is beautiful…

Im not gonna lie…  it can be hard not getting a tad jealous sometimes when you feel things arent going right for you.  You get on Facebook and are bombarded with all these beautiful posts and pictures of your “friends” lives. All the happy couples, the wonderful things their kids are doing, how fast they lost twenty pounds in 2 days, how quick their hair grew back after it was shaved off, how their being “blessed” (ONCE AGAIN) by “God” which is ironic since you personally know their a spawn of the devil. 

You must remember though… pictures posted on Facebook/Instagram are usually only the good things people choose to show you. All the good moments. Your not seeing the struggles,  the crying,  the arguments and most importantly… the LIES and exaggerations. Im not saying everyones lying with what they post.  Nor am I saying don’t be happy for people. What I am saying is….  Be happy for people but appreciate YOURself and YOUR life.  Dont be jealous or envious thinking the grass is greener on their side of the fence… Because that grass your admiring most likely isnt even real.

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To be loved…

I wrote this post as I sat outside at 1am just to escape all the loud crying from two little ones.  Its tiresome and frustrating to deal with children literally all day!  Even when my spouse is home its as if he’s not home because men are soooo different from women (in general).  My spouse will keep sleeping through loud shrills and cries in the middle of the night. If the baby rolls over and falls out the bed im pretty sure my spouse will lay in bed like he didn’t hear a thing just so I can get the baby.  He leaves the apartment with no thought in mind to take at least one of the kids with him. He sleeps on the couch so he can get rest while im left in the bedroom woke trying to get two little ones to sleep.  If the baby is crying he’ll hold the baby (NEAR ME mind you) and just let the baby cry in his arms for hours!   He gets the freedom to go to the restroom alone!  Take showers alone!   Not only that but he shuts the door when he goes in! 😱  I wouldn’t dare shut the door!   One of the kids would most certainly die,  choke or have some type of emergency if I thought of closing the door for 30 seconds of peace!  He eats ALL his food UNINTERRUPTED while I sit their feeding a newborn and trying to eat while my daughter sticks her big head into my plate trying to eat whats on my fork. It can be infuriating not getting a moments rest while the husband carelessly breezes through life 😠

Then I think about other moments like when he comes home after a 12hr shift and  goes into the bedroom to sit and play legos with our daughter. Or how when a commercial with music comes on and our daughter pulls him off the couch to dance with her… he ALWAYS gets up even if he’s eating. He reads to them every night though he’s falling asleep between each sentence. He wakes up at 5am to go to work for 12 hours and battle crazy Houston traffic never once complaining or making mention on the fact of how im a at-home mom (tho thats a job too).  My husband frustrates me to no end!  Usually because everything he does tends to be wrong! Yes,  my husband is not perfect in no sense of the word; but he’s a good guy and a wonderful dad and for that im grateful 🌹

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