Who you gonna please?

I was watching a movie with my children called “Elmo’s best moments”. Elmo has a bunch of pictures he drew each based on a good moment he can remember. Hes going through all his pictures picking the ones he love most because hes going to have an art show and hang the pictures up. Well as hes going through his pictures different people stop by to look. Elmo will then explain the moment in the picture. Each time people stopped and admired his picture he’d give it to them to make them happy. As sweet as that is the problem is of course… Each time he gives someone a picture hes losing a picture that could have been used in his art show. Eventually Elmo is down to only one last picture. Another character comes up to him called a “honker”. This Muppet doesnt talk but rather “honks” his nose. The “honker” sees Elmo picture and wants it. Its Elmo’s last picture tho. Elmo is conflicted because like he says “its my last picture. If I give it to Mr. Honker he’ll be happy but Elmo wont be”. While Elmo is thinking out loud to himself the “honker” is consistently honking his nose (basically throwing a tantrum) because he wants Elmo picture. What does Elmo do? He looks down and sadly hands over his last picture to Mr. Honker. Immediately Mr. Honker is happy and walks away and Elmo sits there sad because he gave away his last picture.

Tho Sesame Street had a good intent behind this story it also subliminally has a negative message behind it. Its teaching children to give and make others happy at the expense of their own feelings. Even reaching into adulthood I know for myself I had a bad habit of giving to others and putting up with others bad traits even if its hurting or draining myself.

Yes, I know its a kid show and “harmless” to a certain extent. At some point tho children need to also be taught to value themselves as well. Its all about balance. Theres nothing wrong with giving. There will be times we do things we dont want to do and dont feel like doing. Thats life! However, theres nothing wrong with creating boundaries as to what your willing to give or put up with as well. Knowing when and how to say “No” gives you strength and dignity. It tells yourself that you value yourself as well as others. Your feelings, opinions & thoughts hold just as much weight as the next person. So say “YES” to yourself by learning the power of “NO” 💪👊

inspiration, motivation

Saying Goodbye to 2015

As I look back over this past year I reflect on all that has happened in my life. From having the courage to cut all my hair off to having my 2nd child (a boy). Enjoying a family trip to Disney and getting on the fitness track. Learning lessons like its ok to say “No”. Its ok to have MY own opinion. Dont talk negatively about myself. Learning to live in the moment and not taking myself so seriously. There will ALWAYS be setbacks but you pick yourself up and keep moving forward. Life is about trial and error and as long as you live you will continue to make mistakes. The key is trying not to repeat them. Its all a growth process. I hope you too can look back and smile and/or focus on some of the “good times”.

I know “for me” sometimes I focus alot on regrets and what hasn’t happened and not see the positive things that have happened. So I’ve actually started writing in a journal that I made specifically for ONLY writing down the funny/positive things that have happened to me. Something for me to read back on for moments Im having a hard time remembering that “Terina… you have had some great moments as well”. Im excited to see what 2016 will bring to the table and thank you for following my journey as I continue Becoming Rina… Cheers 🎉

inspiration, mothers, motivation, women

“Today you are “YOU”, thats truer than true”

I was talking to a dear friend of mine last week and we were discussing things weve learned this year about ourselves. I was telling her how currently im STRIVING to LOVE myself and being watchful to what I say about myself. It all started about a month ago actually… I looked in the mirror and thought I looked sooo ugly. I stared at my body and thought “Wow Terina, you really look nasty!” Then it hit me like a ton of bricks…. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!? I would NEVER tell someone else they were ugly… let alone that they looked nasty! Why in the world would I talk to myself like that?!?!” It literally almost had me in tears as I thought about “myself” being a person and im talking to “this person” like that…. and to think ive been telling myself that for years! 😢

So for the past month thats what Ive been working on…. being VERY careful to ONLY speak great things about myself. As positive as I am towards others I need to be saying those same things to myself!

One thing I try to be is upbuilding to people. The biggest reason why is because I personally know what its like to be bullied & ripped apart. I just hadnt stop to think that I too am participating in ripping myself apart. Telling myself that im ugly, or stupid and body shaming myself and etc. Sometimes loving yourself feels like the hardest thing in the world. You try sooo many different things on yourself in the hopes of “finally” seeing yourself as something beautiful or admirable but in the end you still feel disappointed when you look in the mirror.

I found a quote on Facebook actually that someone shared and I thought it was soooo intresting.

And I quote: “Did you know that the way you feel about yourself mentally has a direct bearing on what you see in the mirror? “We’re eye doctors.”
“What’s something about the eye that most people don’t realize?”“The eye doesn’t see. The brain sees. The eye just transmits. So what we see isn’t only determined by what comes through the eyes. What we see is affected by our memories, our feelings, and by what we’ve seen before.”

If you too have been hard on yourself, doubting yourself, not loving or accepting yourself…. you may want to take a hard look in the mirror and see if what youre hating about yourself truly exists…. or have you just been brainwashed to believe you look or are a certain way? We ALL have something beautiful about ourselves! Everyone is hiding something, covering over something, emphasizing something, changing something all in order to give the elusion they look a certain way. No One is Perfect!! DONT compare yourself to others and put YOUR best forward whatever and however that may be. Not for others but for yourself…. For Whitney Houston said it best “Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all. ”

“Be careful what you say to yourself because your listening”

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mothers, motivation, women

Not For Me

Breastfeeding has become a very popular topic. Women are fighting to do it in public . Women are photographing themselves doing it in every type of location and situation. Women all over are talking about how beautiful and natural it is. In fact some women dont want to stop. The baby taller than them and eating whole turkeys but for some reason the baby still needs to be breastfed. As I sit here breastfeeding my baby again for 5th straight hour … I look down at his sweet little face and think to myself… “This is a bunch of CRAP!! Hurry up PUHLEEEESE!!”

With all of the media and conversations surrounding the topic I cant help but wonder… “Is something wrong with me? Am I the only one utterly annoyed to be doing this?” Granted, I dont have to breastfeed but I guess a part of me feels obligated to be doing it. Tho I have no opinions as far as others formula feeding; as for me breastfeeding is my preferred choice. I just sometimes feel alittle weird because I don’t feel that loving, nurturing & attachment feeling other mothers speak of. I do it purely to feed my child. Its so frustrating for me to already be tired & exhausted and yet your sitting there letting someone pull, bite, tug, suck and hang off you. Most annoying thing EVER!! Maybe I just don’t have the mommy gene inside of me because as SOON as my lil sweetie starts sipping from a sippy cup “I QUIT!”

I have to consistently remind myself not to compare myself to other moms. We ALL will feel and experience totally diffrent things; and though I may not be “mommyish”… it doesnt mean Im not a great mom😉

inspiration, motivation

Breath Again

My husband, kids & I took family pictures the other day. For about 2 weeks I had been wondering that almighty question… “What am I going to wear?” More importantly… “How am I going to do my hair?” I wanted to make sure we were all color coordinated. I had been obsessing and trying on clothes and trying to match stuff to no avail because of course I got a closet full of clothes and not one thing to wear 😕 I finally managed to put together a decent outfit the night before pictures.

The day arrives. I throw on some jeans, a top, a jacket & a headscarf because Im going to run to the salon and get a manicure. Ive got PLENTY of time. WRONG!! The manicure takes longer than expected. Afterward I need to run to the bank to take care of something. Well I get there just to find out they no longer take people from a “shared” branch (my bank is located back in Missouri) … so now Ive gotta run to another bank to take care of the issue. I run to the 2nd bank with only 40 minutes left for me to try and get home, change clothes and get both kids dressed and back out the door to the picture location. By the time I finally get home I have 20 minutes left. Well fortunately my husband had the kids bathed and partially dressed. I went to put my daughters dress on and every button has been ripped off so now I gotta hurry and find her something else to put on. I finally find something and do her hair. Our appointment is in 10 minutes. I DO NOT have time to change my clothes or do my hair😨 Its going to take 10 minutes just to get out the house and to the park. Now a year ago I woulda been dissappointed but im proud of myself. I stayed cool and simply put on my lipstick and walked on out the door. All that obsessing about my clothes and hair and didnt get to do none of it😕 All I could do is hope and pray the pictures turned out ok.

In life theres ALWAYS going to be something that comes up that can easily knock you off your A-game. Sometimes just to keep from going crazy youve just gotta relax, breath and go with the flow. I enjoyed taking the pictures with my family and in the end everything worked out. It wasnt about the color coordination & the creative hairstyle. It was about enjoying a “moment”… a moment I could have easily missed out on had I allowed my messed up plan to ruin my day. Dont go so fast throughout life trying to plan every single little thing that you miss out on”living” your life.

inspiration, motivation, Uncategorized

Flash before my eyes…

I’ve seen the above quote sooo many times and it’s just now resonating with me. I was sitting back thinking how “wow, im 35 years old” … (5 years from 40). Tho that’s not old by no means it’s still a long time from those high school days . Some people want to relive their younger years. As for me I mourn for a life I never had. One of attention, popularity, and fun. I doubt Im alone because when I think about it I guess thats why some parents push alot of the lifestyle they “wish” they had onto their children. Living vicariously through them.

Some people were very fortunate to have lived a great life. They may have been born naturally beautiful. Someone who never had a shortage of attention and admiration. Maybe the person was born rich, or popular, or talented. For others… not so much. It’s easy to “say” you love yourself and “accept” your situation but it’s another to believe it; and when it hits you how fast life is moving and that some of the things you truly wanted never happened and most likely never will…. it can send you into a slight depression.

Theres nothing wrong with reminiscing sometimes. The problems arise when your “focus” is on all the woulda’s, shoulda’s and coulda’s. The negative comments & experiences from your past. Trying to relive something that no longer exists or feeling you should be more “established” by the age you are now. By having the attitude of ANY of the above your missing out on the life you could possibly be living presently. All the wonderful things right in front of you or on the side of you waiting to unveil itself for you.

Thus that quote….learning to let go of the image in your head of how things are supposed to go or should have went and focusing on “what is” and loving that instead. Accepting the way you look. Accepting your marriage/relationship or lack of. Accepting where you are at the moment. Granted there will always be moments where you don’t like something or want more; but learning to change and grow while STILL loving or making the most of “what is” at “this” moment is one of the most “freeing” feelings. If you leave the past in the past, leave the future for the future and live in the present… you’ll live ALL the days of your life 😊

inspiration, motivation

The Best Feeling…

I use to be a HUGE people pleaser. I felt that as a friend it was my duty to help a “friend” out. Whether its money, someone needing a ride or etc… I’m going to be there for my “friend”. Problem is though that my giving started to be “expected” as opposed to “appreciated”. It went from someone asking if they can borrow X-amt to the person telling me what they need me to pay for. Then people would have the audacity to get mad if your unable to help. It was Ridiculous! So I made the conscious decision to not be there for people in that capacity anymore. After some soul-searching it dawned on me… in a lot of situations I wasnt even always being asked….I was volunteering my help. Friends would call me with their sob stories then here I go volunteering what I can do to help. So that’s the first thing I stopped doing….volunteering myself. When people called me complaining about how their electricity was about to be cut off … I replied “Well I hope it works out”.

The thing is… regardless if your nice, kind, quiet, non-confrontational, shy, laid back or helpful you would think people should naturally know when their being aggressive, taking advantage of you, trying to “get over on you”, crossing boundaries or being rude. Unfortunately that’s NOT the type of world we live in. People will walk all over you if you allow them too. “Givers MUST set boundaries because takers dont have any”. They hear the hesitation in your voice. They see the frustration on your face. Will they still ask and take… ABSOLUTELY!

Somehow some of us equate “speaking up” with “being mean”. That’s a hard mentality to break when it’s embedded inside you. Putting your feelings in front of others isn’t being mean though. Its self preservation. Especially when someone is wanting you to take care of a responsibility that’s NOT your responsibility “AGAIN”! Users need to figure out how to get themselves out of their own jams. Heck, what would they do if you weren’t around? That’s right, they’d figure something out. So ive learned either (1) speak up or (2) let their drama go in one ear and straight out the other when their trying to tug on your heart strings… afterall, thats why we have two ears. 😉

When its ingrained in you to be helpful its gonna take time learning to not always be there for individuals; but you MUST find the courage to let people fix their own messes. Don’t get me wrong… im not opposed to helping a person but I shall-be-doggon if I become a persons “get out of jail free” card. You’ll have moments you feel guilty. You’ll have moments you slip up and find yourself once again ~~helping~~ enabling them. However, remember that everytime you say “NO” to something you dont want to do… Your saying “YES” to yourself and theres no better feeling than that!

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inspiration, motivation

Im only human… born to make mistakes

I was talking to a dear friend of mine who was mad at herself for a mistake she made. Tho she was very sorry for what she did she still couldn’t forgive herself. I know even in my own life I’ve been in situations where I regret doing or saying something or on the reverse “not” doing or saying something. Forgiving yourself can be one of the hardest things you do. We punish ourselves for things that have long past and our mind just consistently keeps replaying the incident. Why do we do that to ourselves?

Mistakes are supposed to be your teacher. There suppose to help you recognize what you did, why you did it and how to correct the mistake. Mistakes are not supposed to be your tormentor. Something constantly reminding you of what you’ve done wrong and punishing you. No amount of guilt you put upon yourself will ever erase what you’ve done in the past. All you’re doing is destroying yourself from the inside out. EVERYONE makes mistakes. Dont stop yourself from enjoying yourself as a punishment to yourself. Dont run from the lesson… Learn the lesson. Correct the situation if possible. Forgive yourself. Move on. Youve got too much more life ahead of you and too many more future mistakes to make 😋

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inspiration, motivation

Keep Calm and Move Forward

I started a new venture about a year ago. I was doing so good in accomplishing my goal but one morning I woke up and had lost all desire to do it anymore. I was devastated! I started thinking that “ive failed”! “Maybe it wasnt meant to be”. “Maybe its a sign that I shouldn’t be doing it”. I talked to a friend of mine about it and she said “One of the BIGGEST reasons people fail is because their trying to be perfect“. Her comment was EXACTLY what I needed to hear and it was true.

Its so easy to forget on a daily basis that: Your NOT perfect…. Nor is any situation perfect! You can follow in the EXACT same footsteps as someone and yet you have a totally different outcome than they do. Thats why you must live YOUR life and focus on YOURself.

It doesnt matter what goal, task or venture your involved in. It doesn’t matter if its at your job, in your home, in your marriage, as a parent, dealing with friends, co-workers or the general public. It doesn’t matter if its physical, mental, emotional or spiritual. No matter what your involved in…… there will ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS be good days and bad days. No matter how much you love something or someone; No matter how much you truly want something to work out… Doubts will ALWAYS creep in. Desires will ALWAYS temporarily be lost at some point. It can be discouraging… but thats LIFE! Dont lose faith, heart or give up because your having a bad moment and NEVER make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling your having. LIFE is a “continuous” learning process. Be patient with yourself, celebrate the small victories and continue moving forward 😊

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humor, inspiration, motivation

Your grass is beautiful…

Im not gonna lie… it can be hard not getting a tad jealous sometimes when you feel things arent going right for you. You get on Facebook and are bombarded with all these beautiful posts and pictures of your “friends” lives. All the happy couples, the wonderful things their kids are doing, how fast they lost twenty pounds in 2 days, how quick their hair grew back after it was shaved off, how their being “blessed” (ONCE AGAIN) by “God” which is ironic since you personally know their a spawn of the devil.

You must remember though… pictures posted on Facebook/Instagram are usually only the good things people choose to show you. All the good moments. Your not seeing the struggles, the crying, the arguments and most importantly… the LIES and exaggerations. Im not saying everyones lying with what they post. Nor am I saying don’t be happy for people. What I am saying is…. Be happy for people but appreciate YOURself and YOUR life. Dont be jealous or envious thinking the grass is greener on their side of the fence… Because that grass your admiring most likely isnt even real.